Absolute Blue Invitation 08/12/22 - 08/13/22

Absolute Blue Religicizes

I was recently asked to participate in a church service and met with the Father in advance. He was very pleasant and I was surprised to see that he had two full sleeves. He told me at length about the tattoos, each of which depicted a religious scene and it felt like I was attending Tatechism. He showed me the Church app and how you could apply for a variety of Church services, which seemed very techumenical. We prepared some litorgy, which is not near as fun as it sounds, and toured the chancery which turns out is not a casino at all. I was asked to read from first Corinthians and I rambled on about my experiences in leather work. There was then some talk of excommunication, but I swear I have not even texted my former wife. The whole thing was a bit confusing and I was left with some questions:

-I know Adam and Eve fell from grace when they tasted the forbidden fruit, but wouldn’t that be considered Applestolic?

-I saw a well known Democrat in line for communion but wasn’t sure that they gave rites to lefts.

-If a group of priests won a competition over another denomination, would they declare Vicarry?

-If I mistakenly repeated a short hymn, would that be a paradoxology?

-If I wanted to determine how to end a church service, would I look in the benedictionary?

Join us for a Friday night at Squid Lips in Melbourne, 6 to 10…

Then Saturday it’s Island Time in Cocoa Beach from 5 to 9…

Absolute Blue Invitation 08/05/22 - 08/07/22

Absolute Blue Kernelizes

It is with great pride that we announce the development of a new product that is sure to revolutionize food production worldwide. After years of working with little known Vegitoligist PhD candidates from Cornell, we have created a crop that will grow in the most arid of climates, with little water required. And since the kernels tend to clump together, making it difficult to transfer into designated containers, we are calling it Hard Pour Corn. However, in bringing our product to market, there are problems. Turns out that it’s not just what I call the bunion on my left foot, but Big Corn is a real thing. Be it Yellow, Pop, Sweet or Jimmy Cracked, they control it all. So we turned our focus to other markets, namely in South America. This shouldn’t be difficult, but turns out they have countries there with strange names. So we have come up with some minor changes to appeal to real American consumers. Please feel free to Peruse:

-Imagine if you will the very first theme parked country, Shrekuador.  

-Since we understand that they are huge football fans, Super Bolivia.

-Due to the popularity of hospital dramas there, Paraguay’s Anatomy.

-Because of the absurdly high rate of wine consumption per capita, Argentino Grigio.

-The largest fertilizer producing country in the world, Manuraguay.  

Join us for a Friday night at Tiki Bar and Grill in Sebastian, on Indian River Blvd, just south of Main Street, from 7 to 11…

Then Saturday it’s Mainstreet in Downtown Melbourne 6 to 10…

And our last Sandbar performance of the season, 4 to 8 Sunday…

Absolute Blue Invitation 07/08/22 - 07/10/22

Absolute Blue Propocizes

It was perfect. I coordinated with the stadium promotional team and was given preferential seating. It was all arranged. The ring was an exquisite marquise flawless diamond in a 24K gold setting. Fifteen minutes into halftime the jumbotron panned to the two of us. Stadium security ensured a clear line of view. Ushers stopped all activity down the aisle. The crowd went silent as I stood her up, then faced her and took out a small box. Then, kneeling, I took her hand and opened the box for her. Cheers went out from all corners of the arena. She covered her face, turned and ran down the aisle, into the concourse and out of the facility. I never saw her again.

Worst first date ever.

Coming next week, the story of a Grizzley’s bar mitzvah, Yentl Ben.

Join us for a Friday night at Pineda Inn from 7 to 11…

Then Saturday it’s the Eagles in Palm Bay from 7 to 11….

And Sunday, Malabar Mo’s from 4 to 8…